Where do I leave my hammer now?

Who already knows me by my “collective emails” besides this blog, will excuse me if once again I raise an old topic: Airports.
Is not my intention to be boring but I’m just back from Madrid; my mp3 player run out of charge (most painful tragedy for a traveler) therefore (during the consuming and endless waiting) I focused my attention to various little details (besides fiddling with my fingers of course); little details nobody never really see but accept anyway, so I examined them, Just to avoid to get mad while waiting 564 hours.
Forget about people. I don’t even care about people anymore, at airports. Get an astute man, put him inside an airport, and he will turn (in approximately 30 sec) into a fool without any evolution chance.
Those… lost in space gazes...Those thoughtless-brain-damaged girls wearing the most uncomfortable clothing for a journey (miniskirts!!) who (once again) got 25 kilos extra weight squawking: “That’s not fair!!! Why can’t I carry with me the ceramic flat hair iron?! It’s so important!!!! Always the same story! Damned air companies, they always find a way to still your money!!!”
They paid a Lisbon-London return ticket 20 Euros but, still, complain because Air Companies “they always find a way to still your money”.
My brother Vito had actually an idea: It would be interesting to get them, install a couple of paper pulp made wings on their back (the total investment amount must not exceed 20 euros), and push them (after making sure they don’t forget the ceramic flat iron) down from a skyscraper. “Now, fly”.
Unfortunately, such option seems to be illegal, therefore I have a more realistic proposal: Considering that “air companies they always find a way to still your money” get your car, and go to London from Lisbon, by road. 2 189 km, but don’t worry, you will be allowed to carry with you hundreds of flat hair irons ok? ;-)
However, as I was telling you guys, this time I focused my interest to different details, above all Safety regulations.
I must say, illustrative boards keep improving day by day, always cleverer, in a wonderful escalation of pure acumen:
These are my favorites:
“It is strictly prohibited to carry: guns and firearms”. Oh shit, really???!!! If only I had known!!!Strange though. And now?! Where do I leave my Kalashnikov? There is not even someone with me here for taking it back!!
“It is strictly prohibited to carry: Hammer” (I’m not kidding, see the picture)
Oh no, shit!!! I didn’t know!!How can I do without my hammer onboard?! I wanted to kill time by fixing the kitchen table!! Shit, now I will have to leave it here. I can bet on it.
Someone won’t probably believe it, but I have seen cartels actually telling you is strictly prohibited to bring onboard with you radioactive stuff!!! I swear! I…really…I got really surprised. And now? What do I do with the plutonium I bought yesterday?!? I paid an arm and a leg to get it!!!
As usual, George Carlin:

http://www.youtube.com/watchv=xI6vo5dQel4

Anyhow, what really get me mad are safety policies.

Have you ever listened to the intricate high-technical explanation related to the safety belts functioning? Thank goodness they explain us how to lock them!!! And above all how to unfasten them!!! Shit, we all would risk getting to destination and not being able to get out of the plane without this priceless elucidation. Only mechanical engineers would figure it out. After all, is not the first time we hear about people stuck in the same aircraft for weeks: They didn’t listen to the safety belt explanation too carefully.

Today I heard a sentence I haven’t notice yet while they explained how it works: “Insert the little metal flap inside the metal buckle until you hear the little ping”

Oh, really?!? Alright…let’s see if I got it right: I need to insert the little metal flap inside the metal buckle. Oooooook. I didn’t think about that, thank you. Look, for a moment I thought I had to insert the little metal flap up my…
Then: “until you hear the little ping”.
Oh sure, the little ping. I nearly forgot that. Is extremely important to specify that, because people usually tends to insert the little metal flap just a little bit…just the tip, so if they fart the belt gets unfasten. It’s very essential to have your stomach free of pressure, in some moments.
What about a deaf man who doesn’t hear the little ping? What do he does? What…don’t we care about him too? Well…actually he’s deaf, so should the captain announce: “The plane is gonna crash, we all are fucked” he won’t hear it. He will be relaxed anyway. And the 95 years old woman who listen to the Sunday morning mass at volume 567? She won’t hear the little ping neither I guess…
Listening to your mp3 is forbidden during the takeoff and landing, while it is allowed during the flight itself.
Alright, I do not have the technical knowledge to object this ridiculous rule, speaking of which, if there is someone out there who can explain me why, I would definitely appreciate it. (Gianni please…any idea?)
It keeps being a ridiculous rule anyway.
Seems “those devices” create…interferences.
In fact, one is naturally led to wonder: My mp3 player is unsupplied with any antenna or radio. Very simple device: the music inside goes through the wires and reaches my ears. Simple as that, five songs, no more, and they are short too.
I repeat: there is not antenna whatsoever.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!The interferences monster!!!
How the hell can a device without any kind of “external communication part” interfere?
Nevertheless, let’s suppose, let’s actually allow the proposition: the mp3 player without antenna somehow interferes (Imagining so is like imagining a mute singing) how come it only interferes during taking off and landing considering you can use it during the flight?
Have you ever read first page news like: “Crash plane, 150 victims. Black box reveals: a teenager was listening hip-pop” c’moooon!!!
I insist: let’s suppose the mp3 can actually be dangerous, it can put at risk the flight safety. In this case they should make sure not only you don’t use it but even you don’t have it!!!They should forbid bringing the mp3 with you aboard (we already know we can’t bring bazooka and hammers) or alternatively, they should confiscate it and give it back once at destination. I mean…is dangerous, isn’t? Am I right?
Sorry to say, doesn’t work like that folks…doesn’t work like that.
The huge-ass fat hostess (before all of them were hot, now after Low Cost, all of them are huge-ass fat women, but that’s another story) just tells you: “Could you please sir switch off your IPod? You will be allowed to turn it on once the light signal is off”. (It’s not a fucking IPod for fucksake!” I will never by an Ipod!!)
Is like… while you are comfortably sit aboard, you’re holding a grenade. (The association I do is not out of line in my opinion: Dangerous the grenade because blow the plane up, dangerous the mp3 because crashes the plane down)The huge-ass fat hostess tells you: “Could you please sir defuse your grenade? You will be allowed to trigger it back once the light signal is off”.